THE FORGOTTEN ONES

There are 400,000 kids in foster
care and most of them are forgotten.

A few years ago, I participated in a panel discussion with a group of students who were currently in foster care and or recently adopted. It was their annual Youth Empowerment Conference. However, this was my first year participating in this experience. I, along with two other women, was selected as panel participants. Each of us had experience with the foster care system. One young lady is now a professor at a well-known university but lived in over 15 homes before she was an adult. The other panelist was a 20-year-old student who was recently adopted. Then there was me.

I was in foster care for a couple of years before being adopted.

For years, I never talked about what it felt like to be a foster kid. It was a way of life that I just dealt with. But sitting on that panel brought back memories I couldn't just neatly tuck away.

I decided to start talking about my experience with foster care and adoption only a handful of years ago. I realized that my story could be used to help other kids and families. What I didn't realize is that in order to help other people, I had to come to terms with what I'd struggled through myself. Initially, the thought of standing in front of a group of strangers and pouring my heart out was daunting.

I was so worried about what people would think when they heard my story. It was a genuine concern. I knew how I responded when people shared traumatic experiences from their childhood with me. I never looked at them the same. I certainly didn't look down on them, but I also didn't see them the way I once did.

Eventually, I became comfortable with the idea of sharing my testimony, and the anxiety I once felt lessened.

By the time I got to the Youth Empowerment Conference, I was ready to be vulnerable. I wasted no time opening up about my experiences. Although a traumatic event put me in foster care, the bulk of my adverse childhood experiences happened after I was already in the system.

As I was introducing myself to the students that morning, I happened to mention some of the challenges I'd experienced, including being sexually abused as a kid. The atmosphere immediately changed. The other panelist also shared some of their experiences. As we shared, you could feel the tension in the room relax. It's as if the students were waiting for us, to be honest. Our willingness to be transparent opened the door for them to do the same. One by one, students began disclosing some of their deepest pains.

I'll never forget one young man who captured my heart in a profound way.

In the middle of our discussion, he stood up to comment. His presence was undeniable. He was neat in appearance, with a nice haircut, new shoes, and a gold chain that landed nicely under his buttoned-up collar shirt. He started talking and immediately grabbed the room's attention. He prefaced his comment with an affirmation. He applauded our candor and specifically referenced my story.

Instantly, his demeanor changed, and so did the heart of every human being in that room.

He started by saying, "I'm going to kill my uncle… I'm going to find him when I get older, and I'm going to kill him." His confession threw us off balance. Surprisingly, no one attempted to stop him from sharing. He went on to tell us about how his uncle had sexually violated him. Immediately afterward, he looked around the room and told us that he wanted to be adopted. He went as far as to tell us the city where he currently lived. As I listened to this teenage kid, I had a sharp reality check.

Although I was in a room with teenagers, most of these kids had experienced a lifetime's worth of disappointment. They were mature far beyond their age, and circumstances left them with few options. Resiliency wasn't a skill they were intentionally developing; it was a means of survival.

There are over 400,000 kids in foster care; according to the Children's Bureau, 274,000 kids entered in 2016 alone. The Children's Bureau (CB) partners with federal, state, tribal, and local agencies to improve the overall health and well-being of our nation's children and families.

These numbers are staggering. Kids aged 1-5 years old made up 33% of the children entering foster care in 2016. One of the main reasons why they were removed from their original homes was due to parents who struggled with drug addictions. Twenty-five-plus years ago, I was that same kid.

Sitting on that panel brought these numbers to life for me. It provided a level of empathy that was tangible. Furthermore, it's now dawned on me that unless you seek out this information or an experience like the one I had, the topic of foster care and adoption goes largely unacknowledged by the general public.

Kids who enter the foster care system and the challenges that surround their experiences have gotten lost in the shuffle of American culture.

The story shared by that young man in our group is an unfortunate scenario for so many kids. As I listened, my heart broke. I wanted to adopt every single kid in that room. I felt so burdened and overwhelmed that day.

It's not fair for us to forget about the kids in our community that need our support. I recognize that fostering and adopting young people is not for every family. However, there will always be ways to support those who have committed to serve at that level. We can all educate ourselves on the trends. We can also look for opportunities to get involved with local agencies that are advocating for youth who are currently in foster care and or aging out of foster care.

Stay Inspired,
Sharlene